III. Discover Your Husband's Personal, Unique Needs and Try to Meet Them
He is not precisely like any other person on earth. He, like you, is unique. He has needs and preferences, failures and weaknesses, virtues and strengths, in a combination unlike anyone else. Give up any preconceived notions you had as to how to please a man. You have, as a woman, a strong desire to please him. But the way you want to please him may not satisfy his needs at all.
You may have heard, for instance, that "the way to a man's heart is through his stomach." This may or may not be true of the particular male you married. It is more likely that his basic need is for gentleness and affection. He may be a meticulous person who likes everything in its place and feels irritated by a cluttered house; or he may be relatively indifferent to neat housekeeping and be passionately fond of sports, in which he wants you to take part. He may be spontaneous and unpredictable and want you to react to life in the same way; or he may have more of a slide rule mentality, preferring stability and an orderly, planned life.
Abandon any preconceived ideas as to what men are like and discover what your man is like. You will be unable, at first, to meet all of his needs. No one person can meet all of the needs of another individual. Don't feel that you have failed in your marriage if you are unable to gratify all of his needs and preferences, or that he is a failure as a husband because he cannot meet all of your needs. However, as you discover the unique, special requirements of your husband, you can work toward the goal of seeking to meet them. If he makes totally unrealistic, or neurotic, demands upon you, you have a perfect right to maintain your own integrity by expressing your feelings. You need not become a doormat or household slave. You can seek to meet his needs out of a strong love, rather than out of weakness or a need to "buy" his love.
Ten Commandments for Wives Series
Cecil G. Osborne, D.D.
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